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19:35 Dec 30 2011
Times Read: 750

I haven't really thought about my New Year's resolutions yet. I should have been thinking about them the past couple of days but other things have been on my mind as of late.



=)



From Happy Heart Daily Inspiration



"New Year Resolutions ...This coming year, Let us...



Give up complaining . . . focus on gratitude.



Give up harsh judgments . . . think kind thoughts.

...

Give up worry . . . trust divine providence.



Give up discouragement . . . be full of hope.



Give up bitterness . . . turn to forgiveness.



Give up hatred . . . return good for evil.



Give up anger . . . practice patience.



Give up pettiness . . . put on maturity.



Give up gloom. . . enjoy the beauty that is around me.



Give up gossiping . . . control my tongue.



For some people resolutions are like eels – easy to catch but difficult to hang on to.



But let us be steadfast in our resolutions."





I hate how FB always messes up status posts. Especially the way they are supposed to look. =)



Anyway... I'm not sure whether I'll be posting my resolutions here or not. I'm sure I'll more than likely be posting them on there.



I've got a few in mind but I want to be sure before I commit to anything and I don't want there to be loopholes for me to get out of them.



Commitment. I want to make sure it's a real thing for me on this. =)



Later. Getting ready to go shopping when Brett gets in.

00:16 Dec 28 2011
Times Read: 754

I feel as though I've accepted some sort of blood money.



0.o



I want everything but I just want to break it to bits and pieces in a fit of rage and burn it.



That is all.

15:06 Dec 21 2011
Times Read: 762

Depending on what time Aurora and I make it home later today whether we make cookies this evening or tomorrow. =) It also depends on my stomach.



I've been sick the past few days. Yesterday I made spaghetti, Aurora's favorite food, since she's starting to get sick too. While I was cooking it, my stomach was queasy. Definitely not good for me.



I'm hoping to make sugar cookies with her. And possibly chocolate chip or thumbprints. =) Depending on her tolerance for cooking at the time. We may span it out over two days.



*sighs* I've been working with her on it all. =) I'm still waiting for the results of her preschool screening to let me know where she is and things.



I'm happy I got it done though. It's quite a bit of stress off of my shoulders. I still have to figure a way to get her to the bus when she starts though. I'm sure it'll sort itself out. ^.^



Things always have a way of sorting themselves out for me. That's not arrogance talking. It just seems to happen that way. I'll figure it out. I'm sure. It's my daughter, after all! She's a priority!



Like my therapist said, in 20 years, it won't be important.



I'm getting out of the house for a bit today. I'm not really looking forward to it or wasn't. But the closer it comes to the time that I'm going to be leaving, the more nervous I'm getting and the more I'm looking forward to it. I'm just weird like that.



I'm debating about stringing some popcorn but our trees are pretty dang full. Aurora's is beyond full. And the big family one is full too. =) Hehe... I only had the nerve to put four of the glass bulbs that my mom and dad had since they were first together towards the top of the tree. I'm scared to death the cats or Aurora will break them. Seriously. I swear Aurora is shooting to break something this year.



I didn't remember getting something for my daddy last year for this year. LOL! I can't believe I forgot. I'm glad I found it before I went and got something. It's a too fat to fly bird from Wal-mart that I absolutely loved. They didn't have any in pink. I got a brown one though. =) Hehe!



I wish I had the base from my Grandma's tree from when I was little. It would rotate the tree and make a bird call. Every damn year we would try to find the bird. The first grandchild to find the bird got some candy if they had it. =D Yum.



I need to finish getting ready. I'm probably going to wrap Aurora's stuff while at my mom's since that's where we're storing it.



With combining everything she's getting from me, my mom and stepdad, and my sister... she's probably getting about $800 worth of stuff. If not a bit over.



What are we going to do with it all?!



She's getting a Figit! LMAO! That's one of the major things she wanted and my mom got it for her. She's going to be super excited. =D I can't wait to see her face.



I feel bad. They were able to get her more than Brett and me. But I can't spend that much money on my child when we have bills to pay and things.



I'm just going to shut up now before I say anything else. =) It's always better that way. Nothing can be said by anyone if I don't say anything, huh?



I need to finish getting ready. Yeppers. Checking my sittee's and my own browser game and then getting offline. =)

19:49 Dec 19 2011
Times Read: 767

Right now I'm so irritated with my little four year old. I have the Christmas decorations down because we've been decorating still. She has to help me in every aspect so it's taking a long time. The big tree isn't fully decorated yet. =|



Well, I'm sick. She's getting sick. I was in the bathroom overcome with pukey illness and she tried to shove my head in the toilet telling me "you'll be all fine, mommy!"



I told her to leave me alone for a few minutes. I would be out. Mommy would be okay.



I guess that was my mistake. =| I don't want my head in the toilet but damn it, my house was a nightmare of sparkling mess.



Tinsel. The icicle things... that you put on the tree... four packs of the 1000 strands all over the house. She looks up at me with them all over her sleeper and tells me she made the house pretty.



I got the majority of them cleaned up. My lungs are burning. Hopefully Mama and Shadow Dancer don't get the idea of eating any.



At least Aurora thought she was helping me out, I guess. It'll teach me to put things up before puking. She's upset with me because I shoved them all in a Ziploc baggie instead of laying them the way they were in the boxes they came in.



She keeps yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! There's more! There's more in my room!"

21:01 Dec 15 2011
Times Read: 783

Happy Heart Daily Inspiration Post from Tuesday.

IF JESUS CAME TO YOUR HOUSE



If Jesus came to your house to spend a day or two, if He came unexpectedly, I wonder what you'd do? Oh, I know you'd give your nicest room to such an honored guest, and all the food you'd serve to Him would be the very best.



And you would keep assuring Him you're glad to have him there, That serving Him in your home is joy beyond compare. But when you saw Him com...ing, would you meet Him at the door, with arms outstretched to welcome in your heavenly visitor?



Or would you have to change your clothes before you let Him in, or hide some magazines and put the Bible where they'd been? Would you turn off the radio and hope He hadn't heard, and wished you hadn't uttered that last loud nasty word.



Would you hide your worldly music and put some hymn books out? Could you let Jesus come right in, or would you rush about? Oh, I wonder if the Savior came to spend a day with you, would you just go on doing all the things you always do?



Would you go right on saying the things you always say? Would life for you continue as it does now day to day? Would our family conversation keep up it's usual pace, or would you find it hard each meal to say a table grace?



Would you sing the songs you always sing and read the books you read, and let Him know on which the things your mind and spirit feeds? Would you take Jesus with you everywhere you planned to go, or would you maybe change your plans, for just a day or so?



Would you be glad to have Him meet with all your closest friends, or would you hope they'd stay away until His visit ends? Would you be glad to have Him stay forever on and on, or would you sigh with great relief when He at last was gone?



It might be interesting to know the things that you would do, if Jesus came in person to spend the day with you!



It really would be interesting for me since I have so many unanswered questions. I write letters to God and have only started it recently to help myself find some of the answers. It brings a little on one questions, only to reveal about 6 more questions I have.



It's easier for me to write letters to God instead of praying. Is that wrong of me? I don't think so. It's easier for me to get my words out and listen in brand new ways for answers from God to my prayers.



=)



I'm not the most devoted person. I don't go to church. There's not a church that close to where we live and I can't see going to the one that told me to leave when I needed to use the telephone in 2005 because of my black nail polish on my my fingernails.



God is accepting. We're made in his image after all. So why wouldn't he accept some of our flaws as long as they do not hurt ourselves or anyone else?



I do believe this is the first time I've actually written anything this open about religion and my own beliefs on here.



If you don't have anything nice to say, I'll probably just delete it and go on with my day. I feel comfortable with this website and it is my journal when it comes down to it.



But if Jesus came to my house, I honestly don't know how I would react. I think I would be overly anxious and scared I would say something wrong that would condemn me for all time to be perfectly honest. I would be worried about thinking impure thoughts about who knows what at that point. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be and never have. So I would be worried that my faults would shine through.



Does that mean I'm a bad person? No, not at all. Why? I feel remorse when I do something wrong. I try to follow my beliefs as much as I can. I don't believe in the churches' systems about how many things are a sin. o.0 It seems that everything should be a sin in their eyes. Fear and ignorance seems to be their weapon to keep their congregation in line and under they're thumbs.



I think common sense and a person own thought process should be a good enough filter to keep them in line. A person is neither good or evil. They possess the capabilities to be either. So they can reason with themselves whether their actions will hurt themselves or another.



I wonder if this entry is going to make sense or not. =\ I don't know. Either way, I'm posting it because it's what I'm thinking and feeling at this current point in time. =)

18:47 Dec 07 2011
Times Read: 790

Aurora loves playing fetch with Poochie and one of the deer legs.



Sesame Street Live was a blast. The tickets we got for free... they were amazing. =D



Perfect for us, really.



We ended up using only 7 of the 9 tickets we got because of the one little girl changing her mind.



Her parents are about to lose their house, yet had the money to get a new television for her room. They put it in and so she didn't want to leave to go with Aurora and Jasmine.



But the two loved it.



LOL! It's something my stepdad has NEVER experienced in all of his 66 years... hopes he never does again but still.



It was his baby girl. She took him to it for his birthday! LMAO! How funny is that?



90 minutes of Sesame Street. She did better than I expected. We expected her to start screaming and stuff but she didn't. She became restless and whatnot but she only slept about 3.5 hours the night before.



I'm proud of my little princess. She's growing up.



Oh and she wants to go to Elmo's school. =)

05:28 Dec 05 2011
Times Read: 797

This is for the coupon exchange for a military base over in Schweinfurt, Germany.



I wanted to put this addy here for later tomorrow or the next day. =)



ACS, 280th BSB

ATTN: AETV-WG-SJD

CMR 457

APO AE 09033



It's an army base. Brett's an air force brat. My dad was in the army. Maybe next month, I'll send expired coupons to an air force base.



It's awesome that they can use them up to 6 months after they've expired.

22:15 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 805

Aurora just got to see the two dead deer hanging in Papa's building. She didn't really know what to think. She said they're standing.



When Mama and Papa left, I talked to her about it some.



She didn't think we could eat them.



I had to explain to her that they're going to a place to get the fur off of them and cut up into different kinds of meat for us to eat. Meat comes from animals.



=)



She's seen plenty of deceased animals.



We live in the country. There's woods all around us. There's going to be dead animals from time to time.



Now that I've explained to her that the place will remove the fur off of the deer and cut them up for us to eat, she wants to go with them to watch it happen.



Go figure!



I know I saw my first killed deer before 4 years old. In this area, almost everyone hunts.



Heck, I'm upset because I can't this year. I would be allowed to get SIX deer from this property if I went. *sighs* I have the 12 gauge and the shells.



But Brett's working the mornings until 3:30 pm and has had finals this week. I've been getting ready for Christmas. It takes both my mom and stepdad to watch Aurora because she's such a handful and energetic. And my breathing... my breathing is the BIGGEST problem of all.



How much would 100 pounds of deer meat save me? Especially considering to get it processed it costs about $50 for what I want. And that's a smaller deer. The ones hanging are at least 140 pounds... one doe and the other a young buck.



I wouldn't shoot something under a certain dang weight or age. I can't shoot a spotted deer. I won't. Or a mother.



Oh and got a notice that our food stamps are being continued. Huge relief for me. It's not much but it's helping since gas is eating up money like nothing. Brett's job is stable for the most part though. =)



My roast turned out pretty dang good but something was missing. It honestly disappointed me and bothers me. Brett came home and ate good before going to his last final. I'm glad for that.



Aurora's home of course. She's happy to be home but sad too. Like I used to be all the time. She's playing with her books and toys. She was "reading" to the cat. Poor Mama. But now she's walking her books around the house. ♥ How cute is that?



I didn't get everything done. But most of it is. The dog knocked me down so I ended up relaxing some before my daughter came home.



Dang Poochie needs to stay down off of me instead of trying to jump on my back when I give her the last of food from the past several days.



I'm going to watch the "silly panda" with the princess and do the browser game for a bit. Later.



P.S. Today is the most I've used this journal in a LONG, LONG time!

18:29 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 806

The day has gone pretty good so far.



=)



One load of dishes are done. I need to do another... I didn't get those from yesterday done so they're backed up.

The dog is taken care of.

The trash gone.

The fire is going.

Half the clothes are sorted and put away.

Cleaned out the fridge.

Gave the leftovers to the outside animals.

And I've written a little bit in one of my journals.



Oh and I have supper in the oven.



I still need to...



Get more dishes done.

The fire reloaded with coal.

The veggies added to the roast (Yummm!)

Aurora's room cleaned.

The rest of the clothes put away.

And hopefully find some time to write more.



=)



I wish I could have some more time before Aurora would be home. Or that Brett could start taking her somewhere during the week or weekend without me just to give me a bit of a break.



*sighs* Wishes don't always come true, do they?



I can work around it all. I just need to be creative like always. *snickers* Everything can be a game. And Aurora loves to learn how to measure ingredients to cook! ♥

14:51 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 809

Oh my gosh, the guy on Divorce Court reminds me of my ex, Tommy. His accent, his mannerisms, everything.



I can even see that being me and him being on there all those years ago.



Note: I said all those years ago! I want to make sure I don't start any drama.



Hahahaha!



Wow...



I'm going back to writing and cleaning. =)



I just found it extremely amusing this morning.

13:52 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 810

It's almost nine in the morning. I've been playing my browser game while cleaning. I have a third of the clothes put away. The house still feels chilly to me... mainly my legs. It's not a bad temp though. Without Aurora here last night, I didn't care to wake up and stir the fire quite as often. It shows. Definitely.



I was a lazy butt. I wanted sleep. =)



I just found out that instead of getting her back about 11 this morning like I thought I was happening. They're dropping her off sometime this afternoon.



Yay! I'll be able to get more cleaning finished up without the help of a temperamental four year old, organize things, surprise her with her pink Christmas tree being up outside her bedroom ready for her to decorate, and get some writing in before she gets here.



♥



I only get a break once in a long while.



Wow, it feels good. Really good. I'm so not taking this for granted.



=D



I love my daughter but she's my little bouncy ball full of energy. At times she's hard to cope with and yet we make it through it together. I wouldn't trade her if I could and I've never ever regretted having her.



She's my baby girl. ♥

12:33 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 815

Yesterday evening, I went to the laundry mat and was there until 9 pm drying clothes. I was supposed to leave the house to pick up Brett from the college at about 9:30 pm and there was no point in going clear home just to go the back way to get him.



Well, I got to the college and it was about 9:30 pm. I waited around. No Brett. =(



The security guy came over to tell me to wrap up my writing because it was 5 til 10 pm and they would be starting to lock up soon.



So I started to look for Brett. They see me start wondering the hallways and I tell them who I'm looking for and describe him. They help me search the building.



He's no where to be found.



S.O.B.



So I wrap up talking to the security guard about 10:15 pm and start home on my usual route looking for him the whole way home thinking he may have started walking. I go about 35 mph the whole dang way and almost wrecked because of a deer.



So many deer were involved in my night last night.



0.o



So many.



I get home eventually about 10:45 pm. It usually only takes me about 10 or 15 minutes to go the back way since I'm so used to it. It's not a 30 minute trip for me!



I check the telephone. There's some strange phone number I don't recognize. I can't get online at first so I call my mom. I ask her if Brett's called her and go through the whole thing of events.



At that point, I'm pissed and worried. More worried than pissed and pissed because of how worried I am. Hopefully that makes since.



I get off the phone determined to get online and check FB and VR to see if there's a message. VR loads and FB gives me problems.



It was frustrating for me of course. LOL!



I get on FB... and there he is on chat!



Got a ride to McDonalds with our friend, Ryan.



What the hell?



He knew I would be to the college to pick him up. I told him I would be there. I didn't have time to come home to get online. Yeah, he sent me a message on FB but how would I possibly get it without internet access somewhere and he knew I didn't take the laptop.



*grumbles*



So back up to town I had to go to pick him up. In my eyes, he should have just stayed put unless he got a hold of me. So much of last night could have been avoided if he would have done so. I'm still frustrated but hell, my mom calmed me down when I called her back to tell her where he was and so did the cats because I was so anxious to begin with since I couldn't find him.



That doesn't even include me freaking because I thought a cop was pulling ME over but they went after someone else. I had almost run a stop sign and I have at least a quarter passed it when the cop passed me. I literally felt like pissing myself in fear when the lights and siren came on.



Some guy got shits and giggles after hearing me going at Brett at my car because there was no more pop left for me to have a can while I did clothes. I ended up having to get a bottle which cost $1.50.



It took forever for his jeans to dry.



And the sterling silver cleaner that the worker has to use there makes my breathing harder. I seriously need to start going at a different time of the day.



I'm planning on making a roast today. Yumm. I'm also cleaning this morning before Aurora gets home. Woot!



... Since I didn't get home until pass midnight. I was hoping to get home at least by 9:30 and get some of the clothes put away. Just did not happen that way!



I can't believe it's already December 1st. =D